Inside Out

I’m not sure I’ll ever get used to being a minister in a small town. More than being slightly famous and having people talk about what you put in your grocery trolley; when you’re a dorpie dominee it can feel as though everyone’s pretending about who they really are; from the hairdresser to the mechanic, even strangers tend to behave unnaturally in your presence.

Like the other day a guy was telling me about a village enemy who had wronged him again. His emotions grew as he relived the situation. His arms gesticulated, his voice got louder, and then to his surprise… he let the ‘F’ word slip. Realising what he had just said and who he had said it to, he looked mortified. Shamefully jangling keys in his pocket, he blushed and apologised with ‘Agg sorry, excuse my French’. I tried my best to remain composed but it was just too funny, and I burst out laughing. I suppose not the most gracious way to deal with him, but I couldn’t help it. Perhaps because I knew of all the times I’ve came close to saying something I shouldn’t.

Bad words don’t just slip out, do they? They don’t just randomly land in our mouths by accident, they come from somewhere. Jesus would have us believe they are a mirror of what is really going on inside. Think about it, when regrettable words spill you’ve been thinking them all along hiding what you really feel, but then in that unguarded moment you forget to dress up your inner feelings and the true thought comes tumbling out your mouth. A friend of mine calls it ‘Foot in Mouth Disease’, but it’s really more like ‘Heart in Mouth Disease’ because, “Out of the overflow of your heart your mouth speaks” Mt . 15:8.

Our character is what we feel or do without thinking. I may say, ‘I didn’t mean that,’ but something in me did mean it. My true character ‘leaks’ when I’m not trying to impress anyone or when I don’t carefully plot how I should act in order to reflect Christ. When someone cuts me off on the highway my true character is reflected by whether I say “Bless you” or “@!#$% you”.  

So the way we live is actually a spiritual thing. As Dallas Willard points out, if we want to change anything about ourselves we must be changed spiritually. Spiritual formation is key because it is the condition of our heart that determines the people we will be. The way we treat others, what choices we make, the things we value, our moral standards and even our view of God; all spring from our spirituality. We need to cooperate with God and be changed on the inside; there is no other hope.

But here is the amazing thing, if we allow God to change us inwardly we won’t have to pretend to be kind and loving any more. If our inside is transformed we won’t have to try to love, unloving thoughts and actions simply won’t occur to us. Instead of being surprised by the curses that used to come out of our mouths, we’ll be surprised by the blessings we speak and the loving thoughts and actions that spring up before we’re even aware of them. Imagine smiling at an enemy without thinking, giving without counting the cost, sharing without hesitation, loving spontaneously!

If we’re changed from the inside out we won’t even have to worry about what words may slip when next we happen to be speaking to the minister.